Bad day

Have you ever had this feeling that everything is falling apart, life is miserable and the end is near. I have. Soon I have to leave my wonderful job, I have to move away from the city I love, my children are moving out, and even my husband has left me. Its aweful, can't sleep.

I have to start listening to my own advice, “when doors close several new opens”.

And what happened. New exiting job opportunities appeared, I realized that New York will stay forever, thank god children are not living home forever, and my husband has not left me, just “abandoned” me for a while. And I actually think that is a good thing. He deserves his own time after supporting me all these years.

Amazing how the extreme hurdles suddenly turns into opportunities. And what a journey it has been, and what an adventure it will be.

Carpe diem.

Don't want to leave......

In New York,
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can't do,
Now you're in New York,
These streets will make you feel brand new,
The lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

Social??

It’s called social media, but I’m not really sure….social….??? When I was a little girl, my friends used to knock on the door and ask if I wanted to come out and play. When I got in my teens we called each other, could talk for hours and then find out that we should meet somewhere. Then we got the cell phone, and text messages, and e-mail and suddenly we didn’t really talk to each other anymore. My children are scared to death answering the phone when it is ringing.

My dad was a bit annoyed that I hadn’t called him in a while, my instant response was: But I have posted a lot of messages on your Facebook wall. He wanted to talk…….

If I don’t get an instant reply I get furious, nervous and irritated. Why don’t they answer, is she mad at me, is something wrong? I even sometimes text: Did you get my message on Facebook? My goodness how busy the social media keeps us, but social?

I was hooked on Facebook, still always logged on, but not as active and crazy anymore. But I have to admit, I think it is an excellent tool, keeping friends and family updated with our life here in US. Yesterday I was looking for an old friend, or actually a family member. Wanted to contact him both of private and for business reasons. Of course I found him on Facebook. I usually don’t send friend requests, but this time I did, a bit to fast. His profile was open for everybody, I of course a bit curious, some call it fb stalking. I took a look at his wall, and realized…….he was dead. Facebook became the informant of his sudden and unexpected death.

That scared me.

Fine line

Happy people around me everywhere. The kids are playing on the dock, the older ”kids” are playing beer games, some challenge each others knowledge about music from the 80s and some of us are just chillin’ on the porch after a fantastic barbeque dinner. The sunset over the bay is stunning, the temperature is perfect and I’m happy. In heaven actually, as always when I am with my friends and family in Atlantic City.

Suddenly this idyllic scene transforms to yelling, fighting, 6 police cars and guns. Panic, people running, where are the kids…..? One man on the ground with a gun to his head. I have never been so scared in my whole life.

Several unfortunate happenings at the same time created this chaos and fear.

Luckily, this time, no damage that can’t be repaired was done, some will heel fast some needs a longer recovery process. Good people with hearts of gold and the ability to forgive made sure we could smile and laugh again before the night ended. But this incident made me realize the fine line we always are balancing and how fast things can change. We were lucky this time.

Things don't always go as planned

I’m not really sure if I should cry or laugh. Years of planning. Finally we made it. My BF and I, a whole week together just she and me. Chinese massage, grappa, roof top, Cafe Wha, margaritas, Brooklyn Bridge, Pastis, Atlantic City, concert, beach bar, sun and fun.

She was supposed to come today.

Strict passport rules stopped our plans. She is still in Norway and I’m here. Sad, mad, furious, disappointed. I know she feels the same. Hopefully in a couple of years we can laugh about it.

Vær forsiktig med hva du ønsker deg...

Av og til er det så mye som skjer at det er vanskelig å sortere ut noe som helst. Sånn har april og mai vært. Istedenfor å forsøke å lage lesbare tekster (selv om det burde vel egentlig ikke være min største bekymring med tanke på min at min lojale lesekrets ikke består av flere enn to tre stykker) burde jeg heller oppdatere meg selv hver dag i stikkordsform. Men på den andre siden, da kanskje selv de lojale forsvinner, og det vil jeg jo helst ikke.

Jeg er blitt betatt av en ny verdensdel. Syd Amerika. Buenos Aires, Montevideo og Santiago, tror jeg er forelsket i dem alle tre. Hadde så forutinntatte meninger om både land og folk, men du verden så feil jeg tok. Ikke skilte jeg meg ut i Buenos Aires fordi jeg er høy og blond, det løp ikke fattige barn i fillette klær i gatene i Montevideo og Santiago var en moderne storby (selv om at jeg faktisk skilte meg litt ut med hårfarge og høyde). Selv uten å snakke spansk klarte jeg meg utmerket, ikke fordi jeg er så god i finger og kroppsspråk, men fordi de fleste snakket faktisk engelsk. What a surpirse. I Uruguay holdt jeg stolt en tale, både for ministere og andre prominente. Høytidelig poengterte jeg viktigheten av å forstå lokale kulturer når man etablerer seg i et fremmed land, samtidig takket jeg for at jeg hadde blitt invitert til å holde min presentasjon i Paraguay. Vel vel, lærte akkurat av en skuespiller bekjent her i NY at det å ”drite seg ut” er faktisk å gi en gave til de som hører på. Jeg tror henne.

Jeg har en drøm om å bo i Syd Amerika. Lære meg språket, lære meg og forstå kulturen, og geografien (Paraguay vs. Uruguay). Og jeg tror faktisk at det kommer til å gå i oppfyllelse. Siste dagen i Santiago de Chile spiste min kollega og jeg frokost i 17 etasje. Vi gikk igjennom ukens møter og konstaterte at vi var ganske fornøyde. Det eneste jeg mangler, sa jeg til ham, er et lite jordskjelv. Det ville ha spritet opp opplevelsen reelt. Ikke før jeg hadde sagt det begynte huset og riste. Alle forsvant fra frokost salen før vi fikk blunket. Selv satt vi stumme og trodde vel egentlig ikke det var sant. 5.8 på Richter skala. I framtiden skal jeg være litt forsiktig med hva jeg ønsker meg.

"Si Tu Me Olvidas" Pablo Neruda

Quiero que sepas

una cosa.

Tú sabes cómo es esto:

si mirola luna de cristal, la rama roja

del lento otoño en mi ventana,

si toco

junto al fuego

la impalpable ceniza

o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,todo me lleva a ti,

como si todo lo que existe:

aromas, luz, metales,

fueran pequeños barcos que navegan

hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.

Ahora bien,

si poco a poco dejas de quererme

dejaré de quererte poco a poco.

Si de pronto

me olvidas

no me busques,

que ya te habré olvidado.

Si consideras largo y loco

el viento de banderas

que pasa por mi vida

y te decides

a dejarme a la orilla

del corazón en que tengo raíces,

piensa

que en esa día,

a esa hora

levantaré los brazos

y saldrán mis raíces

a buscar otra tierra.

Pero

si cada día,

cada hora,

sientes que a mí estás destinada

con dulzura implacable,

si cada día sube

una flor a tus labios a buscarme,

ay amor mío, ay mía,

en mí todo ese fuego se repite,

en mí nada se apaga ni se olvida,

mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada,

y mientras vivas estará en tus brazoss

in salir de los míos.